Debs and I have articled many times over the years about the ownership of oneself. A child comes into this earth being temporarily owned (all be it full time) for the first quarter of its life or there about by whom society deems as the child’s parents, or at least in the perfect world it’s claimed to be that way, holding legal status over the child’s choices and decisions for many of the early years. Now, here is the crazy thing, as an employed adult if you were responsible for the running of machinery worth millions of pounds, or employed a working role with a legal position of responsibility that dictated the long term emotional stability of the country, then it’s inevitable you would be expected to have undergone training or studies beforehand that will allow for that responsibility. So my question being where is the same invested studies and training for parenting. Let’s not be egotistical here and go with the first reaction of “who the hell is Paul Rees to tell me I need parenting training” Im not there, but us mam and dad humans are far from perfect.

Leading up to the birth of my first daughter Danielle I truly thought I had all my parenting ready and in the bag, being confidently over ready after hours of research, reading and the compulsory advice given by the eagerly excited grandparents, boy was I wrong. You learn quickly when demands are high and adjust at lightning speed to accommodate the huge demands of parenting for such a dependant. Its only now sixteen years later do I feel I’m finally sounding to my daughter the true inheritance of self-worth that will genuinely carry her through life with confidence, and that’s come after a few intense years of self-counselling and self-recognition from my end to me.

Over the years our schools, colleges,  universities, and workplace training/teaching as a whole has all improved to enhance the quality of our lives through the quality of work and service offered, and while we can say as individuals or collectively “we have evolved” can the same be said for global parenting. For the most we may say yes due to there being such a saturation of domestic and materialistic items available to help with the ease of rearing our children, but hey let’s not hide the fact that many countries including the UK has invested heavily in intense after parent counselling, has increased its child protection programmes and have on offer countless opportunities for stability training for parents, and while this afterthought is hugely important it’s still a highlight of how far behind we are with many of the emotional understandings of inherited parenting triggers compared to the massive advances we have made in modern technology over the decades, we can fix and programme a machine to think better, wiser, to understand its mistakes but can’t fix ourselves.   

Knowing this is a very delicate subject and not all will agree with me here, but just give it some thought before coming to a decision here. We are nothing less than a repeated implemented program of our own parents, with millions of secret coded micro emotions hidden within the cells of our natural hard drive the brain, driving our software, the emotional reactional receiver within us, and trust me our emotional reactional receiver software has yet to update itself to 2016 windows 10 because we are still repeating the same errors as our past parents did, that no antispyware can see or repair. It’s called inherited disappointment, it cannot be seen, it can’t be heard and for much it cannot be consciously recognised until the child becomes adult and re-enacts the same exhausted triggers within his/her life with the only variation being the trigger may repeat itself through a different practical action, with each family passing its personal finger print of inherited triggers. Very few are prepared to work on themselves on the bettering of who they are over what they are, as this skill takes a very healthly ego and that comes through discipline and practice.

You never become unattached from your child emotionally only physically regardless of what actions or events that may feel otherwise.  Parenting active thoughts can go for the most, one of two ways -1. We always want our children to do better than we did in our lives, or 2. There is very little concern to the child’s equality of success in life, and although number 1 seems completely unselfish and wishing the best possible future for the child it can still hold the same outcome as number 2 emotionally for the child, even though it will be practically and materialistically more successful to the child’s life.  Both option 1 and 2 offer emotionally the same inherited triggers of emotional absence to the child if not dealt correctly throughout the child’s early emotional growing years.

The subconscious energy of thought being delivered and then inherited to the child from number 1 is: I am good enough but not really because the emotional inherited thought you are offering your child is: please do better than me as I’m not good enough even though it may not look that way. Number 2 being, I can’t show you what’s best for you as I don’t know what’s best for me. Both options are a reverse of self-worth for your child as neither offer the true essence of self-worth owned by the parent only a synthetic version adopted from the parents own childhood.

Know that whatever secret disappointments you carry within yourself so will your child carry the same module of emotional disappointment into their lives and on to their children. A good example being a parent mostly wishes for their child/children to carry level of confidence and self-worth that the parent cannot display for themselves in the truest sense in the first place. It’s easy with words to engage to your child the will for them to be emotionally successful in life and for them to see the true beauty of who they are from the inside out, but first you have to truly and honestly see that for yourself first as the parent.

I am not qualified to counsel nor am I judging as we all have our ways and secret sins in life and that’s fine and in many ways healthy also, but ask yourself this question, it’s a very basic question that all parents should be able to answer positively if they wish their children to be a true success in all aspects of life first. Do you find you attractive? Can you openly say in open conversation to another or group with confidence that you are an attractive person and drop dead gorgeous?  If you’ve hesitated with your answer then it’s a NO sadly and more so for the child as the child is now being taught a synthetic confidence from the parent. You see for centuries parents have unconditionally adopted the doubts of the parents before them and then continued the cycle of emotional inheritance, but it’s not a written law it’s just habit, and while many of our inherited emotions have a value of legacy and heritage some are genuinely emotionally unproductive as the triggers are not yours, but ownership to those before you and so emotionally have no sustainable investment.  

As a parent you are investing into the growth of your country, society and most of all the long term emotional stability and continuation of your family tree. While for the most part a parent always wants the best for the child/children, it’s time to invest early rather than late. Start your own personal studies and training today, and this is not further training to your role as mam or dad but to you, see your worth and learn to love you the same way you wish your child to love themselves in life, remembering your child is perfect because you are. Your child is as successful in self-love at this moment in time as you are at this moment in time. As you grow self-worth so will they, it’s an emotion that’s never seen or taught but yet is the most valuable emotional tool to your child’s wellbeing in life in every way.   

Remember what you are is what they will become, it’s full proof and never up for negotiation.